I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
