WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
