Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
