apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
