I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
