when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
