It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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