My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
