1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
