New invention idea: vibrating tampons
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
