i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
