On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
