there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
