his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
