I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
two words: eviction party
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
