HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
