one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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