I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
