A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
