Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
