The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
