Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
