A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
