it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
