Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
