did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize