is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
