How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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