i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
