I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
