In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I believe in your delicious
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
