did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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