I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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