I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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