Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
