her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
