I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
