...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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