she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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