Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
