Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
