Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
