from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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