i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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