You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
