He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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