If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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