he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
