jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
