I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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