If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
